The Wait

Wait.

For the breeze that turns the pages in this book of life. To uncover the next chapter. The next character.

For the sound that turns the monotony over. That breaks this white noise all around.

For the light that reveals new spaces, and gaps to be filled.

But why?

Choice

If you walk looking backwards, not only is your pace hampered, but also are at risk of falling into ditches are traps.

Life may have numerous occasions when the past would seem more comforting. However, the past is gone. The present, though not the best, presents opportunities to focus and look further. The future holds promise. A promise for the better. Always.

And while the present may not look all good, find comfort in seeing yourself being better than the most. Life could have ended as that too. It didn't. Aren't you lucky enough?

Catching up!

I visited the by-lanes of this blog before starting the post. This blog, that once used to see a new post created every now and then, had been deserted. And yet, despite my aloofness to communicate with it, it stood loyal to keep my memories intact.

I saw my post of 2012, when I was visiting a village as part of my ITC training and how pumped I felt about rural marketing. The idealist in me was talking about seeing the smiles when a girl buys a Rs. 1 sachet of Chic shampoo. And yet, by the end of the post, it was clear how the idealism was giving its way to pragmatism. How, those shit lined potholed roads stank of helplessness and disgust for the system.

In my three year stint at ITC, I got more such experiences. The floods of Srinagar in 2014 or the untouched, ignored and callous apathy of the North East India by the government, made me try to be a direct part of the system.

I gave two years of my life to prepare for the civil services. Alongside preparation, I also walked the path to self-discovery. I realized along the way how people, except family, value you for your material worth. Before that, it was these people whom I idolized. And even after my failure to pass the civil services exam and have enough time, I did not intend to bridge the gaps with them.

I started again to build my career. However, this time I knew that rather than working on ones weakness, which everyone has, one should strive to build on his strengths. The idealism in me had withered away to make way for pragmatism.

And so, after working for one year in e-commerce, I shifted back to what I knew I understand and love. I got into product management in data engineering, business intelligence and machine learning.

It marries my interest in technology and my understanding of business, the latter trained in the real India that only a few in my profile would have actually visited or managed. I clearly see my edge.

I also got married to Shruti. Life is good on the whole.

This is what has occurred in my life. I'll keep you posted more often.

My Valentine

Flirt, tempt, play
Explore,wander,lost
Snap, leave, dark
Want,lust,long
Agony,misery,pain
Burn! Burn! Burn!

Leaving On a Jetplane

I searched Youtube for the goth version of this song. To listen to a cover that might reflect how I feel right now.

What would have been that version if someone on the 9/11 plane would have sang it? He did leave on a jetplane. Never to return.

There are some goodbyes that are said knowing well that its the final one for that relationship. Which song would be for those instances?

Tharoor and the Renaming Saga

On June 15, 2017, the erudite leader of the Congress put up a tweet claiming that most of the schemes of the NDA are actually only renamed and repackaged schemes of the UPA itself and that NDA has done nothing "game changing".

It is indeed true that the intent of the schemes remain the same. But, there are some schemes in the UPA list which are "repackaging" of the schemes started in the 70s by Indira Gandhi. Take for example the Nirmal Bharat Abhiyaan. I distinctly remember Total Sanitation Campaign being many decades old. And even though Mr. Tharoor is wrong in making such comparisons, I do not blame him for his bias. What I want to point out is a deeper malaise among our political leaders, even when they are as erudite as Mr. Tharoor.

We glorify policies and schemes on paper, we credit the intent while turning a blind eye on the success of their execution.

Success in education is both in terms of efficiency and effectiveness. It is easier to measure efficiency, however effectiveness can be subjective. The metrics to be tracked can be very different. For example, under the UPA, the metric to measure "success" of the sanitation scheme was the number of toilets built. This is not an effectiveness measure but that of efficiency. While, we did build toilets, it is common knowledge that they were not being used.

And that is where due credit needs to be given to the Modi government and to the PM in particular. Through his speech in the Red Fort and his communication on Mann ki Baat, PM Modi has been able to drill down the message against open defecation. I have visited the rural areas of UP recently and have witnessed the behavioural shift.

Another area where the government needs to be lauded is to have aligned the metrics more towards effectiveness than mere efficiency. The Open Defecation Free(ODF) status is being given after surveys on ground, rather than just measuring the number of toilets built. Such measure of effectiveness would definitely, in the longer term, help us lower our health burden because of open defecation.

The Ghats of Banaras

I went to see the Ganga Aarti today.
 Banaras is a strange City.  Along the Ghats one can see thousands of people looking at the evening Aarti and praying for their well being in the boat on the Ganga.  Not even 500 metres away lies the cremation Ghats.  Probably people here are so accustomed to death that even after seeing the dead burning just a few minutes ago they are able to immerse themselves in the Aarti.  Or is it that because I wasn't able to immerse myself in the religious experience that I was stuck up on this thought of living and dead?  Is it that one needs to immerse oneself in religion to forget about the ills of life?  Or is it that these people do not consider death as bad?

Oh. And It is in Banaras that you find a sadhu on the same roads as the ones where moksha is sold. 

Banaras Ke Ghat Par

एक जंगल है तेरी आंखों में
मैं जहां राह भूल जाता हूं ।
मैं तुझे भूलने की कोशिश में
आज कितने क़रीब पाता हूं ।
तू किसी रेल-सी गुज़रती है,
मैं किसी पुल-सा थरथराता हूं ।
हर तरफ एतराज़ होता है
मैं अगर रोशनी में आता हूं ।
एक बाज़ू उखड़ गया जबसे
और ज़्यादा वज़न उठाता हूं ।
एक जंगल है तेरी आंखों में ।
मैं जहां राह भूल जाता हूं ।।

Afreen!

The translation of Afreen below is for someone who has basic understanding of Hindi.

This song/ quwalli has been written by lyricist Javed Akhtar and its original rendition is by Nusrat Saab.

In it, the person who is singing these lyrics is trying to describe his lover in utmost detail and yet, the person says that even though he tries to, he, nor anyone else would be able to describe her completely and that they would end up praising the Almighty for making her.

The parts highlighted in yellow consist of the Urdu word/ phrase and its translation.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Husn-e-jaanaa ki taareef mumkin nahi (It's not even possible to praise the beauty of my beloved)

aafreen aafreen, afreen afreen( praise the maker)

tu bhi dekhe agar to kahe hamnasheen( you would also say the same as me)

afreen afreen, aafreen aafreen

aisa dekha nahi khoobsoorat koi

jism jaise Ajanta ki moorat koi

jism jaise nigaahon pe jaadoo koi

jism naghma( part of a song) koi, jism khushboo koi

jism jaise machalti hui raagini ( the body like a titillating song)

jism jaise mehakti hui chaandni ( the fragrance of moonlight)

jism jaise ke khiltaa hua ek chaman ( a blossoming garden)

jism jaise sooraj ki pehli kiran

jism tarshaa hua dilkash-o-dil-nasheeN ( her body like a heart arresting carved statue)

sandali sandalee.. ( like the fragment of sandal)

marmari marmaree..( like the smoothness of the white marble)

chehra ek phool ki tarah shaadaab( fresh) hai

chehra uskaa hai ya koi mahtaab( the face of the moon) hai

chehra jaise ghazal (her face like a ghazal), chehraa jaan-e-ghazal( her face like the life of a ghazal)

chehra jaise kali, chehraa jaise kamal

chehra jaise tasavvur ki tasveer bhi ( her face like the imagination of a  picture)

chehra ek khwaab bhi chehraa taabeer bhi( her face like a dream, and its interpretations)

chehra koi alif laila ki daastaaN( her face like a tale from a folklore)

chehra ek pal yakeen, chehraa ek pal gumaaN ( a face, a reality for a moment and then utopia another)

chehra jaise ke chehraa koi bhi nahi,

Maah-roo maah-roo( a face with the beauty of the soul of the moon)

MahjabeeN mahjabeeN ( a face with the forehead as serene as that of the moon)

aankhein dekhi to mein dekhtha reh gaya

Jaam do aur donon hi do aatishaaN (They are two cups of wine, both of them ablaze)

aankhein ya maikade ki yeh do baab haiN (Are these eyes, or the two doors to a winehouse)

aankhein inko kahoon ya kahoon khwaab haiN

aankhein neechi huyiN to haya ban gayiN (When those eyes looked down, they became shyness itself)

aankhein oonchi huyiN to dua ban gayiN

aankhein uTh kar jhukeeN to adaa ban gayiN

aankhein jhuk kar uTheeN to sazaa ban gayiN

aankhein jin mein hai qaid aasman-aur-zameen

Nargisi nargisi ( eyes like a nargasi flower)

Surmayi surmayi... ( black like the blackness of kohl)

zulf-e-jaana ki bhi lambi hai dastan ( No words are enough to describe the tresses of my beloved as well)

zulf ki mere dil par hain parchhaaiyaan

zulf jaise ke uljhi hui ho ghaTa (Tresses, like dark clouds entangled in themselves)

zulf jaise ke ho koi kaalee balaa (Tresses, like some black spectre)

zulf uljhe to duniyaa pareshaan ho

zulf suljhe to ye geet aasaan ho

zulf bikhre siyaah raat chhaane lage (When tresses spread, the black night starts looming over,)

zulf lehraaye to raat gaane lage

zulf zanjeer hai phir bhi kitni haseen (her tresses bind me up like in chains, and they are so beautiful)

reshamee reshamee (like silk)

ambaree ambaree... (like the sky with the rains)

Yuva

hum kis gali ja rahay, hum kis gali ja rahay 

apna koi thikkana nahi, apna koi thikkana nahi

armanoon ki anjumaan mein besud hai apni lagan mein

apna koi fasanna nahi apna koi thikhaana nahi 

Prateeksha

Jab woh ek aawaaz bayaan kare aapke do saal ka chittha
Jab woh ek aawaaz bataaye aapka bhavishya
Jab woh ek aawaaz jo ek pal ke liye ho
Kya itne khokle ho aap jo woh ek aawaaz aapko paribhashit kare?

Personalities, Change and Effort

Do personalities change?
I was told recently that they don't. And I could not argue against that more than I did.
What about "shaping"? What about Pavlov and his dog? Or Skinner and his reinforcements?
These two social scientists demonstrated that people can change. Can is to be emphasized. And yet, I was told people don't change.

I have been intensely studying the MBTI test, understanding its framework. This is a test based on the characteristics that the self-reporting person sees him/ her endowed with.

People do change. If they want to. My sample set for the basis of this statement is statistically insignificant, however, I have observed that those who reported change in their personalities reported this after some crisis hit them. A break up, a firing from the job, a family crisis, puberty, college, moving away from parents.

The point is people change when they want to. I think it is a myth that people remain the same. They do not. The way they see the world changes. Man does not live in isolation. Being social, he interacts with his environment and cognizes this interaction to make meaning out of it and behaves accordingly. This cognitive process changes his attitudes and value systems.

However, the easy way out always is to say, "I am like this, you are like that." Inertia I believe. Or taking the easier route. Sounds similar to the advice given to Alia Bhatt in Dear Zindagi. Sound advice, I must say. But till what level? In what all contexts? Does that apply to casual relationships? Does that apply to marriage? Does that apply to relationships with family? With society?

These days!

Tanhai Mein Faryaad To Kar Sakta Hoon

Veranay Ko Aabad To Kar Sakta Hoon
Jab Chahoon Tumhein Mil Nahi Sakta Laikin
Jab Chahoon Tumhein Yaad To Kar Sakta Hoon

Maine Pur Noor Sitaaron Mein Tumhe Dekha Hai
Maine Masoom Baharon Mein Tumhe Dekha Hai
Achi Surat Ko Sanwarne Ki Zaroorat Kia Hai
Sadgi Mein Bhi Qayamat Ki Ada Hoti Hai

hum ibaadat mein rasmon ke qaayil nahi
tujhko dekha toh yaad e khuda ho gayi

The Death of A Farmer

"Arre ruk ja re bande, arre tham ja re bande,
yeh kismat hans padegi ho!"

These words are on a repeat in my mind since the mind numbing news of the death of Gajendra Singh, the farmer who committed suicide in the Aam Aadmi Party rally was seen on television, sitting in my AC room. I so wish someone could have told him those words.

The Reason for Suicide
Taking a myopic view of the damage caused due to the crops because of the unseasonable rains could be the prime reason for the suicide. But this view is fraught with a lot of doubts, since the family of Gajendra has asserted that though there was sadness due to it, it couldn't have been a reason for the suicide. Was it, as some politicians have said, an instigated suicide, where due to emphatic assertions in the rally, Gajendra could not see his future not being what he would have desired, and thus committed suicide?

One thing is for sure, that the farmer of today is not happy. Let us increase the scope of the reasons.

A recent report states that farmers do not want their next generation to be farmers and that majority of them are  not happy being farmers. If so is the reason, then we have a very long term problem at hand, that where the economy is not ready to accommodate the number of people that it can employ to give 'a decent standard of living'. It was with this view that the MNREGA scheme for employment was started. Gajendra had, ignoring the long delays of payments involved in the scheme, an alternative mechanism to earn for his family. Can it also be said, given the last decade where agriculture related official number of suicides have come down, though it could be a case of under-reporting but not questioning the numbers here, that the suicide was not related to absolute poverty at all, but that related to relative poverty?

Relative poverty, in simple terms is when the rich become richer and the poor become poorer, and poverty defined here is not just in the economic sense, but social and political sense as well. Since the 1990s, the relative distance between the rich and the poor is on an increase and this could be seen as a situation by the farmers of haplessness, thus taking such extreme step?

Or, this could just be a bizarre incident, where Gajendra, either lost control of his senses to take a right decision at the spur of the moment?


Solution
It cannot be ascertained as to what the reason was. What can, though be ascertained is that the economy is full of distress. And for that structural long term solutions are urgently needed.

There is a glut of labour, which is not finding employment and hence has to join agriculture.
Structural changes are required in the economy to shift it from agriculture to more productive alternatives of manufacturing.

Agricultural productivity also, using the newer scientific techniques of production shall be increased. If we are able to match the rice productivity of China, we would be able to double our production!

Mental health centers should also be made to open in rural areas and should be administered well. A recent report shows our nation's total negligence on this front.

The youth should be skilled, not just educated so that they are able to find meaningful employment.

In the short term, the government can implement populist measures of increasing the wage rate in MGNREGA scheme and increasing the number of days of employment, though through Aadhar card based direct debit transfer, stop politicians to make inflammatory speeches and start a communication campaign for psychological counselling for the poor.

Conclusion
"Natha marega! Natha nahi marega!" was how Peepli Live made a mockery of the political class being so insensitive to the problems of the agricultural poor. The media was potrayed to make a tamasha in the movie, and so it did in Gajendra's case. What is required is to work on the structural problems of the Indian rural economy. Else, as the song, from Peepli Live concluded, " samay ki lal aandhi, kabristaan ke raste, arre latpat chalegi ho!", would come alive in the near future again!

Down the Memory Lane

I always used to find it a bit stupid. Tagging people on things like ...

What do you want to .... blah blah! And you fill it.

I did one back in 2009. I am glad I did. Just re-visited it now. Had stated that would learn to play the guitar if I had the time.

I learnt it!

Something for myself!

The ageing policy and the Policy for the Ageing

This is regarding the recent fiasco that the DOPT report on the decrease in the age limit for writing the all India exams had created.

Compliments to the DOPT for coming up with an answer within a day. Compliments to The Hindu for highlighting the issue to the public at large and pressurizing the government to come up with an answer.

While a young bureaucracy will give the idealism that is associated with the youth to the bureaucracy, it should also be noted that the AIS exams of recent times have shown that there are a considerable number of people who want to join the bureaucracy after getting exposure to the professional world. The AIR 1 of the 2013 exam is testimony to it.

As I get interested in policy, governance and administration, I cannot but observe the lack of understanding regarding these topics in me. It is not as if my curriculum in school or MBA did not have requisite topics but I do not think there was much inspiration. Articles and policies were just listed down as if blaring out that they need to be mugged. There was no historical or current context associated with them.

As I study the subjects further I realize the vision with which the constitution of this nation was written and the safeguards it tried to make. The realism from the idealists is something that I am in awe. But Alas! as was said by Ambedkar, the constitution is as good or as bad as the people.

And for that good, inspiration can be sought from the writings of the judicial legends of Mr. Nani Palkivala and Mr. Nariman or from the administrative rogues of Mr. Vinod Rai and Mr. Parakh or from the writings of I K Gujaral.

I hope to see such books being prescribed for readings in the schools and colleges of India and provide the country with a youthful bureaucracy.

Jai Hind! 

Definitions

There is something missing in logic.

Is not of not-defined defined?

Can spirituality be defined? Can religion be undefined?

Are we not defining the undefined by calling it  not-defined?

Will our quest be defined till we tend to zero.

And what when we zero ourselves and just be? When we cease to exist and be one with brahmana? Is that the state of spirituality? Of peace?

Sochta Hoon Ke Wo Kitne Masoom They

Jaane wale humari mehfil se chand taro ko sath leta ja
Hum khizan se nibaah kar lenge too baharo ko sath leta ja

Uske nazdeek gum-e-tark-e-wafa kuch bhee nahi
Mutmayin aisi hai wo jaise huwa kuch bhee nahi

Ab to hatho se bhi lakeere bhi miti jaati hai
Usko khokar to mere paas raha kuch bhee nahi
Kal bichrda hai to fir ehd-e-wafa soch ke bandh abhi
Agaaz-e-muhabbat hai gya kuch bhi nahi
Mai to is waste chup hoon ke tamsha na bane
Tu samjhti hai mujhe tujhse gila kuch bhee nahi

Aaj roothey huwe saajan ko bohat yad kiya
Apne ujde huwe gulshan ko bohat yaad kiya

Sochta hoon ke wo kitne maasoom they
Kya se kya ho gaye dekhte dekhte


Maine pathar se jinko banaya sanam
Wo khuda ho gaye dekhte dekhte
Jin Pathro Ko Humne Ata Ki Thee dhadkne
Wo bolne lage to humeen par baras pade ...dekho ji
Hashar hai wahshat-e-dil ki awargi
Humse poocho muhabbat ki diwangi
Jo pata puchte they kisi ka kabhi
Lapata ho gaye dekhte dekhte


Sochta Hoon Ke Wo Kitne Masoom They

Drought

As I stand below the shower of my hotel with water soaking my skin I am reminded of the smile with which one of the retailers in one of the districts in my area told me about how he is buying water to have bath. And then flashes of women and young men clambering around a tap in some other district for water come across my eyes. And then, the smile of the driver of my car from another district of the same area describing how the government has banned boring in his village. The water refreshes me but somehow does not clean.

Jeevan Saathi Blues-2

So I just got to know that I used to belong to the Peter Pan generation. Well, I never did, but I guess the world presumed me to be. I told you that in my last post. And also that finally I had told my parents to fulfill their dream of finding a girl for me. I remember the shining eyes of my mother and the confidence that my father oozed on me giving them an indifferent shrug to their incessant demand."Beta! ab to tum settle bhi ho gaye! Ab to saadi kar hi lo", " Beta! agar tumhe koi ladki pasand hai to batlaye do, hum bhi utne roodhiwaadi nahin hain" and all that with my mom putting "Beta! koi problem to nahi hai na tumhe" between every sentence. I think she wanted to ask me whether I am gay. Its embarrassing answering such questions. I mean ...  yeah! But..... anyhow!

So the hunt has started. Ever seen those talent hunt serials where judges shortlist candidates on the basis of photographs? Yeah! that is exactly what I was asked to do. Now, there is this fallacy in the process.I mean being from IT, an amateur photographer and a self-proclaimed ace in Photoshop, I know what the problem is. Its not ' what you see is what you get'. There needs to be a regulatory authority on this process as well, like those in the advertising industry of food products where deep angles and slow motion is permitted, but no enhancements. Unfortunately there is none.

But that is not what made me write this post. What made me write this post is that the shortlisting process in itself has become excruciating. I mean when the age of the girls being introduced is told to me, my balls feel the chill. All of them are like 5-6 years younger to me. 21-22. I used to be like a grandfather to such tenth class girls 6 years ago in my engineering final year. And even though a few of those tenth-ies were hot, a self-respecting college-goer knows his boundaries.

I guess that could have been because of my youth and honor. At that time. I tried to still maintain it, youth and honor, trust me my friend, but when you are single and 27 and 'arranging' for your marriage, you need to be 'mature'. As I said in my last post, 22-25 was the time when girls are looking for getting married. The unfortunate part is they look around only in their peer group or someone they know. Now, my parents know that 6 years is too much of a difference, but they do not want a girl who is 26 and who might, might is the word, play me. If you do not understand the last sentence, good for you bro. If you do, either you are intelligent and mature, congratulations for that, or have gotten 'played' before. Consolations for the rest of your second inning in that case brother.

So then the oldest age that may settle down with me is 21-22. I don't think they would be realizing what actually is happening to them. "My dad said so" might be what that poor girl be thinking. Not without thought was it said," ignorance is bliss". And so they would fall in 'love'. Or so it is presumed.

Amen!